The Difference Between Apologizing and Saying Sorry

Say this to help your child course-correct.

“The best apology is changed behavior.”

An apology is more than words. It’s the expression of a wrong recognized and a repentant heart.

Merriam-Webster defines apology this way: “an admission of error or discourtesy accompanied by an expression of regret.”

Regret leads you to repent. You don’t ever want to do, cause or feel that again, so you do things differently next time. That’s what we’re really after when we tell our children to say they’re sorry. But if they don’t feel it, it won’t furnish a better response next time.

If they don’t feel it, it won’t furnish a better response next time.

When Peter denied Jesus (just as Jesus said he would) we see that when he realize what he had done, he was torn up about it.

Luke 22:60-62

“But Peter said, ‘Man, I do not know what you are saying!’ Immediately, while he was still speaking, the rooster crowed. And the Lord turned and looked at Peter. Then Peter remembered the word of the Lord, how He had said to him, ‘Before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times.’ So Peter went out and wept bitterly.” (NKJV)

We never get a chance to see Peter apologize with his words; but we see from his actions that he completely changed his behavior. No longer would he give into fear or shame of being associated with Jesus and the cultural consequences of it. In fact, Peter would be the first one to preach to those in the crowd who called for Jesus’ crucifixion; and Peter would later be crucified himself, demonstrating his lasting commitment to Jesus thereafter even unto death. (Acts 2:14-39, John 21:15-19)

Contrast this with Jesus’ encounter with the rich young ruler. When asked what he should do to inherit eternal life, he learned he only lacked one thing.

Matthew 19:21-22

“‘If you want to be perfect, go, sell what you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me.’ But when the young man heard that saying, he went away sorrowful, for he had great possessions.” (NKJV)

He went away feeling sorry, but went back to his same way of life. His sorrow didn’t change his behavior, and he didn’t choose to course-correct to follow Jesus.

When your child needs help course-correcting, say this instead of “Say sorry!”